Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
