the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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