i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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