I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
