Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
