Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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