Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
being pregnant is like rehab
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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