I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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