I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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