PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
