I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So many bounce houses so little time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
