She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
