Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
40s are totally the cure
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
