you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
