Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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