i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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