I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
