needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
