I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
