I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
