Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
