I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
