her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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