Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
