I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
