tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
