i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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