i just had sex bonerless
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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