i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
