No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
