soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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