I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize