Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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