you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
