Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
