You're my little dorito
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
