ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
