it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
