my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
