found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
