That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
