I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
