based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
