Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
