Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize