I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
