Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
