I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
