There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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