don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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