Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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