Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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