My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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