so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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