So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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