I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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