I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
