if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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