When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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