OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
