Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
