ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
