Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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