i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
