i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
