Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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