I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
