mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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