He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
