You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize