I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
