dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
