Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
