I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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