I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
