If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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