She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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