i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
