im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
