I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
