the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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