i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize