Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
