FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
