Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
