He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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