Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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