im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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