marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
