Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
