She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
