Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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