4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
