She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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