i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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