final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize