dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
